Ann Oldenburg, USA Today
was roasted, toasted, interviewed, hugged, hooted at and serenaded by a
parade of stars Friday night. It was a party to celebrate his 60th
birthday, but it was also a four-hour SiriusXM radio show, broadcast live from the Hammerstein Ballroom in Manhattan.
It was, he said, "Overwhelming."
The shock jock and his longtime sidekick Robin Quivers took seats behind a desk on the side of the stage, leaving the hosting duties to his friend Jimmy Kimmel.
"Howard Stern did to radio what Picasso did to visual art," said Kimmel. "He was the first. He is the best."
added Kimmel, "We know exactly how long this man's penis is! He is the
most self-absorbed person on the planet and we can't get enough of him."
urged the crowd to "look around the room at the variety of people.
Drunks, whores, stock brokers, stutterers, Oscar-winners, retarded
It was a wild crowd. Drinks flowed freely with waitresses walking up
and down the aisles offering plastic cups of beer and paper cones of
popcorn shrimp. Open bars were available on every level of the venue.
the main floor, tables were set up, Golden Globe-style. Howard's wife,
Beth, 41, had a table near the front of the room. Others were filled by
celebs including Robert Downey Jr., Tracy Morgan, Johnny Knoxville, George Takei, Barbara Walters, Jeff Probst, Larry King, Heidi Klum, Joan Rivers, John Stamos, Louis C.K., Jimmy Fallon, Kathy Griffin, David Letterman, Bryan Cranston, Sandra Bernhard, Chelsea Handler, Katie Couric and Steven Tyler.
"Why is Tan Mom here?" asked David Spade
when we caught up with him. "Oh, I guess it's like that." And it was
like that -- she hiked up her long black gown and showed off her bikini
bottoms from the second balcony for Howard. "Don't judge me, you
mother(expletive)," she yelled to a heckler.
Gary Dell'Abate, the longtime producer of Howard's radio show (also known Baba Booey),
said, "Everybody came out. Everybody said yes. The hardest thing for me
tonight was execution. Usually it's getting guests. But I've had this
thing locked and loaded forever. Nobody said no!"
Not even Gov. Chris Christie. As he spoke about fans having to head to New Jersey for the Super Bowl, one heckler yelled, "Take the tunnel!"
Robert Downey Jr. told Howard, "We all adore you!"
Barbara Walters blew Howard a kiss.
Katie Couric offered to have a threesome with Howard and his wife.
Rivers and Jeff Ross attempted some jokes. "Howard Stern has been in
radio so long he bought Robin at an auction," said Ross, drawing groans
from the crowd. And, "You're like a Jewish rock star. Guns & Noses. I
want my nickel back!"
Whoopi Goldberg talked about how if she weren't at this party, she'd probably be home "getting high." Her View
boss, Barbara Walters, gave that a big thumbs up when the camera cut to
her for reaction, which made us wonder if she understood what was said.
Lena Dunham gave Howard a hard time for once comparing her to Jonah Hill, but noted it wasn't a problem, saying, "My boyfriend is a huge Moneyball fan."
George Clooney, Ellen DeGeneres and Jerry Seinfeld sent video wisecrack wishes.
Letterman slowed the show down a bit when Howard spent nearly 30
minutes doing an interview with the late-night show host about his
career, including discussing Letterman once played tennis with Johnny Carson.
Sarah Silverman and Natalie Maines sang a song about Howard and his "teeny weeny peeny."
serenaded Howard with a tune about how they used to feud but now that's
over. "If he were a girl, we'd make lesbian love. The new Howard Stern
is my chum."
The Beach Boys, in a video featuring John Stamos, sang, "I wish we
all could be just like Howard Stern," and "I wish we all could be as
rich as Howard Stern."
Neil Young was show in a video making coffee and offering birthday wishes. "What are you now - 45? Fantastic!" he said to Howard.
Among the musicians who gave amazing performances for Howard were Adam Levine, John Mayer, Dave Grohl, Train, John Fogerty, Steven Tyler and Rob Zombie.
When we asked Larry King for his birthday message for Howard, King barked, "Grow up!"
Gottfried's wish for Howard? "That he just keeps having me on no matter
how many times he get pissed at me. He makes me feel like a kid."
And Joan Rivers? "Enjoy every minute."
Does she think Howard should get plastic surgery?
"I think Howard's already had plastic surgery."
Did she hook him up with a good doctor?
"No, but he looks better than he did. And more power to him."
As for turning the big 6-0, Stern told USA TODAY, "I'm sort of in
denial, I kind of go wow, I don't look 60, I look good! And then I see a
picture of myself and go, 'Uhhh." But he added, "I feel good. I've been
working out a bit."
"He's got a six-pack now!" Quivers said,
adding that Howard "doesn't like the number (60) and can't believe it
has happened to him but he's dealing with it the best he can and keeping
it all together." Howard's wife said he had lost 30 pounds in the last
Was it because he's fearing growing old? No, he said.
"I got serious. I was just saying, 'Hey, I was getting a little heavy.
Gotta nip it in the bud."
His SiriusXM contract runs through the
end of 2015. But could he see himself still doing radio at 70? "That
sounds crazy but I'm having the best time broadcasting with SiriusXM.
That's true. No hype. We have a great studio. No FCC. So if it continues
to be this good, why not keep going for as long as I can?"